Title: won't cross these streets until you hold my hand (high school AU)
Characters/Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Ruby, John, Gabriel, various other ensemble characters.
Rating: R (possibly NC-17 for one scene, you've been warned).
Spoilers/Warnings: Warning for sexual content (both boys are 18), underage drinking. No spoilers, this is totally AU.
Disclaimer: Not my boys.
Word Count: ~4900
Summary: Dean hadn’t exactly meant to check out his best friend’s ass in the locker room...
A/N: I never thought I would write high school AU, but. Things change, I guess. XDD This was meant to be a short, silly thing, and somehow it grew into a monster and some angst snuck in. Also, in this AU, Sam is the older brother. Don't ask me why, he just is. Also, if you don't understand any of the baseball references, just ask. ;D Title is from Swing Life Away, by Rise Against.
Dean’s ready to do this. Cas is ready to do this. And yet, somehow, they’re just staring at each other awkwardly on Dean’s bed, fully clothed. Dean picks absently at his comforter and thinks that maybe he should have gotten some candles or something.
He’s been thinking about this for a while now—Cas is his best friend, and lately he’s been more than that, but they haven’t exactly talked about it yet. It’s supposed to be easy. But Dean’s nervous as hell. Even though he wants it, he just can’t seem to take that next step.
He’s fooled around with some girls before—it never took much work on his part to turn on the charm and get a girl behind the bleachers or in the back seat of Sam’s car. The making out was nice, but the handjobs were rushed and fleeting and left Dean feeling a distinct sense of nothingness afterwards.
He didn’t realize why it was he felt that way until a few weeks ago. He hadn’t exactly meant to check out his best friend’s ass in the locker room after the last baseball game of the year. But Cas was dirty and sweating in his catcher’s gear, his uniform sticking to him under the hot summer sun. He bent down to remove his kneepads and yeah, Dean stared. He was a little ashamed by it at first, but only until Cas caught his eye. The heat Dean felt in that gaze had nothing to do with the warm weather. When the rest of the team went off to the pizza place to celebrate a good season and say goodbye to the seniors on the team, Dean and Cas lingered behind with half-assed excuses. Then Cas was pushing Dean up against the lockers and pressing his tongue into Dean’s mouth.
And even though it was just making out, the scent and taste of Cas kept coming back to Dean. All through dinner with the team, Dean thought of nothing but the sweat-salty taste of Cas, the scratch of Cas’s face against his, the scent of dry dirt and the freshly mown grass of the baseball field all over Cas’s skin. It left his head spinning, and it was nothing like the casual groping Dean had partaken in with girls in the past.
They still didn’t talk about it, though. Just went about the last few weeks of school as if nothing happened. Cas had to focus on his finals, and Dean probably should have too but he just doesn’t care as much. As long as his grades are high enough to stay on the baseball team, Dean cares nothing about his studies. They’re graduating this year anyway, and Dean’s had senioritis for months now. So he gave Cas his space to be a nerd, until the very last day of finals. Sam didn’t have to work so Dean had borrowed the car to pick Cas up from his test—some kind of high-level math exam that Dean didn’t have to take, thank the Lord. The windows were rolled down and Cas was smiling as he climbed in, and Dean stretched his arm across the back of Cas’s seat and just said it.
“I think we should sex each other.”
Cas had laughed in his face, which, honestly, did not surprise Dean in the slightest. But by the time they got to Dean’s house they had decided when and where said sexing was to take place. Dean’s dad was away on business for the weekend, leaving Sam in charge. Being eighteen, Dean doesn’t exactly need supervision from his older brother, so Sam being in charge usually meant that he bought Dean a pizza and left him alone. Sam was downstairs with Ruby—who he still would not admit to dating—watching some sappy romantic drama that Dean knows his brother picked out. It was the perfect opportunity, giving Dean and Cas at least a few hours to get down and dirty.
“So, um,” Cas says finally, and Dean looks up from his study of the comforter. “How do you wanna do this?”
Dean cracks a nervous grin. “You sure know how to woo a guy, Cas.”
Cas glares at him. “This was your idea.”
“Which you agreed to,” Dean says, feeling a bit bolder. “Now take off your pants.”
“Very romantic, Winchester,” Cas deadpans, but he starts unbuckling his belt so Dean counts it as a win.
Soon they’re down to just their boxers, and Dean catches Cas’s wrist to pull him over. This part is easy, because they both know how to make out, at least. Cas flicks his tongue out to tease Dean’s bottom lip. Dean smiles against Cas’s mouth and curls a hand behind Cas’s neck. Cas nips at Dean’s lip and Dean groans, his cock twitching in his boxers.
They don’t know what they’re doing, so they just go with what feels right. Cas leans back into the bed, pulling Dean with him until Dean settles on top of him. Dean fits there better than he thought he would, though it shouldn’t have surprised him. He and Cas have always fit together, ever since they were kids. Taking their friendship further is just the next logical step.
Cas is still exploring Dean’s mouth with his tongue as Dean slides against him. One hand gets lost in Cas’s hair, Dean’s fingers curling tightly and holding on. He bucks his hips down once, a hard, firm press. Cas gasps into Dean’s mouth and Dean pulls back to look at him.
Then Cas starts moving his hips in slow, maddening circles against Dean. Dean groans and leans further against Cas, bracing himself against the pillow with an elbow and burying his face in Cas’s shoulder. Cas licks and suckles at Dean’s neck as they thrust together, finding a rhythm, a good, slow burn. For every one push of Dean against Cas’s hardness, Cas bucks up twice, three times. Dean has to squeeze his eyes shut against it, feeling his climax building but wanting this to last.
When he pulls away Cas lets out a little whimper. Dean smirks and kisses Cas tenderly before rearranging himself. He straddles Cas’s body, his knees on either side of Cas’s thighs, hands on Cas’s hips. He lets his eyes sweep down his friend’s body—pale, smooth skin, hard juts of hipbones, a bruise under his ribs where he took a knee to the chest in their last ballgame. Dean bends down to press his mouth over the bruise, lapping gently as Cas squirms under him.
“Dean,” Cas pants as Dean moves his mouth lower to run his tongue along Cas’s hip. “Dean, please.”
It sends a rush of need through Dean, his body thrumming with it. He looks up to find Cas watching him, his skin flushed and needy. Dean’s own mouth falls open at the sight of him like this, perfect and ready beneath him, begging for more.
Dean is happy to oblige. The pink head of Cas’s cock is peeking through the slit in his boxers, and when Dean finally takes him in his hand Cas arches under him. Dean can’t be bothered to pull the boxers down, and Cas isn’t complaining as Dean squeezes his straining erection. Dean’s never done this to another guy before, but he knows what feels good when he does it to himself. He slides his thumb along the underside of Cas’s cock as he pumps him slowly, meticulously, wanting to draw it out as much as he can.
Cas writhes under his touch, rutting into Dean’s fist impatiently. Dean places a hand on Cas’s hip and shushes him and Cas whimpers again. Dean’s own cock twitches, rock hard against his thigh. He aches for Cas to touch him, too, but they have time for that. He’s too caught up in his exploration of Cas’s body to stop. He palms himself through his boxers and leans down to press his face against Cas’s belly. He moves in time to the roll of Cas’s hips, the both of them thrusting against each other. Dean mouths at Cas’s navel and bucks into his own hand, only partly aware of the desperate little huffs of sound he’s making into Cas’s skin.
He noses at the course hair below Cas’s navel and swallows hard. He’s never sucked anyone off before, and his stomach flutters with nerves. Still, he’s determined to give Cas the best blowjob in the history of the world. He swipes his thumb along the leaking head of Cas’s cock and smiles at the half-gasp, half-groan that escapes Cas’s throat. Dean squeezes and pulls at his own cock as he hooks a finger into Cas’s boxers to pull them down. He laps at the dip under Cas’s hipbone, that shallow curve leading down, lower and deeper than Dean has ever been. He looks up once to see Cas squeezing his eyes shut and clutching the sheets in a fist, his chest heaving desperately.
Dean takes Cas into his mouth a bit more enthusiastically than he had planned, and he almost gags as Cas’s length hits the back of his throat. Then he eases off just a little, and Cas rolls his hips slowly into Dean’s mouth, and it all starts to become far too easy.
Cas is whining above him as Dean licks a stripe up underneath his cock, and Dean has one hand between Cas’s legs to fondle his friend’s balls, when his bedroom door opens.
“Hey Dean, do you guys want any—OH MY GOD!”
Dean and Cas fly away from each other like shrapnel, Cas reaching for the blanket to cover himself up while Dean screams at his brother to get out.
Sam’s hand flies up to cover his eyes as he shouts, “Oh my GOD,” over and over again.
“Sam! Get out!”
“Meet me downstairs in five minutes, or I swear to God I’ll tell Dad!” Sam demands, eyes still covered as he disappears into the hallway.
Dean and Cas look at each other before Dean groans, “We are so screwed. And not in the fun way.”
They’re sitting side by side on the couch, Cas with his head in his hands and Dean glaring at his brother. Sam paces back and forth in front of them, clearly trying to figure out what to say. Ruby watches it all from the armchair, legs curled up under her and a grin on her face.
“Do you mind?” Dean snaps at her.
Ruby just shrugs. “Nope.”
“Not helping, Ruby!” Sam says, then finally stops his pacing to look at Dean and Cas with a hand on his hip. “What the hell, Dean? Really, what the hell?”
“What?” Dean says back, scandalized. “Like I’ve never walked in on you two!”
Sam’s eyes go wide and he whirls around to Ruby. “I told you he saw!”
Ruby shrugs again, and Dean’s about to ask her if she wants some popcorn for the show or something.
“Listen, Dean. Cas.” Sam sighs and turns back to them. “You’re practically adults now, and I get that. I do. This is a natural thing.”
“Oh my God...” Cas groans, trying to hide his face behind his fingers.
“Sam, we took Health Class, okay? We don’t need the birds and the bees speech.”
“Dean, I’m not...I’m just...” Sam throws his arms up in a huff. “I didn’t even know you two were seeing each other! Which, I don’t care, it’s fine, it’s...whatever.”
“Get to the point, Sam,” Dean says, frustrated in more ways than one.
“Were you even using a condom?” Sam asks in a rushed whisper, as if the very thought makes him uncomfortable.
“It’s not like I can get him pregnant!” Dean exclaims, looking to Cas for help. Cas just blushes and groans again.
“Dean, you are so, so stupid,” Sam says, defeated. “My brother is an idiot.”
“At least I can admit that I like him,” Dean grumbles. “Are you and Ruby still just friends or what?”
“This isn’t about me, Dean!” Sam cries while Ruby just snickers. Sam pinches the bridge of his nose before continuing. “You didn’t even lock the door. What if I was Dad?”
“Except that you weren’t,” Dean reasons, “so he doesn’t need to know.”
“How long as this even been going on?”
Dean says, “We’ve been going at it like rabbits,” at the same moment that Cas says, “This was our first time.” Dean has to resist the urge to smack his friend upside the head.
“You guys are idiots, I swear,” Sam says again. “Just use a fucking condom next time. And for the love of all that is holy, don’t do it with me in the house. I am scarred for life.”
“You’re such a drama queen,” Dean huffs, but he can’t help the smile that creeps up on his face.
“I never needed to see you in that position, Dean,” Sam says, pulling a disgusted face. “Lock the goddamned door the next time you want to go down on your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Dean is oblivious to the look Cas is giving him, but Sam gapes at him. “Can we go now?”
“You really are an idiot,” Ruby says as she pushes Sam out of the living room.
Dean hears Sam complaining about his poor retinas from the other room. He’s smirking when he turns to Cas. “Well, that could’ve been worse.”
Cas is silent for a moment. Then he stands up without looking at Dean. “I’m going home.”
“What? Cas, come on, wait.” But Cas is already slamming the door behind him, leaving Dean speechless and alone on the couch.
“Thanks a lot, Sam,” he mutters to himself. Then he goes up to his room—trying to ignore the musty smell of sex that lingers on his sheets—blasts Metallica to get back at Sam, and sulks for the rest of the evening.
Dean doesn’t see Cas for the rest of the week, and it’s left him grumpy and pouty and disappointed. He and Cas have always been inseparable, so even just a few days without him makes Dean feel a little lost. He tried to catch his eye at graduation rehearsal earlier that day, but Cas remained focused on their instructions and didn’t once look at Dean.
Afterwards, Dean went to the batting cages to let off some steam, pretending that the baseballs zooming at him were Sam’s head. He still blames his brother for the whole thing, though a nagging part of his brain keeps telling him it’s his own damn fault. But he can’t exactly pretend the balls are his own head, that would just be ridiculous.
The crack of the bat is satisfying, and soon Dean’s mind is far from his romantic troubles. He’s thinking about how much he’s going to miss the team, how lucky he is to have gotten a baseball scholarship to a local school he never would have made it into on his grades alone. It’s going to be weird, not playing with the same guys. Not playing with Cas. Cas is staying local for college too, which Dean is thrilled about, though he’s giving up the sport to focus on his studies. Dean hopes he can still get Cas to help him practice. He plays infield now, though he filled in for a pitcher who got sick during their playoffs and was surprised to find that he liked it. The pressure of pitching was thrilling to Dean, the game resting on his shoulders. He doesn’t know where they’ll put him on his college team—and as a freshman he might be benched for a while—but he wants to be prepared. Cas promised to catch for him so he could work on his pitches; his fastball is something he’s rather proud of, but he can’t rely on it all the time.
As Dean hits ball after ball, he doesn’t even realize that his thoughts had wandered back to Cas until his friend is standing outside the cage watching him.
“Hey, Shorts,” Cas calls, and Dean smiles at the team’s nickname for him. He likes to think it’s because he plays shortstop and not because of his height.
Dean finds himself grinning, hits one more ball before turning the machine off to join Cas outside.
“That was foul,” Cas tells him, and Dean pushes him playfully.
“Get your eyes checked, that would’ve been out of the park.”
Cas grants him a small smile, but it’s not as genuine as Dean would like to see. He takes his helmet off and drops it to the ground, bumping it absently with his bat.
“Listen, Cas, I—“
Cas cuts him off before Dean can say anything. “I just wanted to know if you were driving me to graduation tomorrow, or if I should find my own ride.”
Dean’s brow furrows as he looks at his friend. “Yeah, of course I’ll drive you. I told you I would.”
Dean looks down at his shoes and the tip of his bat, trying to work up the courage to say what he needs to say. The silence between them seems to stretch on for hours, and Dean feels the sun setting behind him, hot on his neck. He doesn’t know how to fix this between them, because he honestly doesn’t know how it got broken in the first place.
Maybe his brother is right, and Dean really is an idiot.
“I have your cap at home,” Cas goes on finally. “I decorated it for you.”
Dean smiles at that, a sudden rush of fondness for Cas hitting him in the chest. The other two guys from the team graduating with them decided they should put the team’s logo on the top of their graduation caps. Dean isn’t exactly the crafty type, so Cas offered his services.
“Thanks, Cas,” he says quietly, and he hopes it’s enough, he hopes Cas gets what he means.
Again that small smile graces Cas’s face before he says goodbye and turns away from the cages, away from Dean.
“Hey, do you want a ride?” Dean calls out.
Cas turns back, shaking his head. “It’s a nice night, I’ll walk.”
“Are...are you sure?”
“Yeah. Good night, Dean.”
Dean sighs to himself as he watches him walk away. He looks back to the cage, thinking he can hit a few more balls before he has to go home for dinner—Dad’s still away, but Sam told him he’d cook burgers on the grill for him. It’s rare that Sam offers to make Dean something he actually likes, so Dean’s not stupid enough to pass it up.
He picks up his helmet and trudges back to Sam’s car. When he gets home, Sam is tossing together a big salad that Dean isn’t going to eat. Dean says nothing, just goes about setting the table for two. They make awkward small-talk about the rehearsal. Sam asks if Dean’s nervous, and since it’s easier than admitting what’s really wrong, Dean just agrees that he is.
“Don’t worry, it’s pretty easy,” Sam assures him. “All you do is walk across the stage. Though the waiting sucks, since we’re W. I was second to last when I graduated.”
“Yeah, I remember,” Dean says before taking a big bite of his cheeseburger. Sam even made bacon for it, which is how Dean knows his life is pathetic.
“Dean, Dad’ll be there. He promised he would be.”
“He was supposed to come home today,” Dean grouses.
Sam sighs and puts down his fork, giving his brother his full attention. “Whatever happens, I’ll be there. You know that.”
Dean can’t quite say how he cares more about his brother being there than his father, so he just nods.
“I’ll be sitting with Gabe, cheering on you and Cas.”
Despite his bad mood, it makes Dean smile. They’ve always been close with Cas’s family, who took them in when their Dad was away more times over the years than Dean can count. Sam and Gabriel even go to the same college, though the rest of Cas’s siblings moved away. It’s always been the one constant in his life besides Sam, and now Dean fears that he’s fucked it all up for good.
“Have you talked to him yet?” Sam pries gently.
Dean sighs. “A little. I don’t think he really wants to talk.”
“He’ll come around,” Sam assures him. “He always does.”
Dean shrugs and says no more on the subject. He just eats his burger without really tasting it and eventually goes upstairs to bed. It takes him a long time to fall asleep.
Graduation is held outside, a little stage set up in the front with folding chairs for the graduates. The guests sit off to the side, and try as he might Dean cannot spot Sam, Gabriel, or his Dad. They’re seated alphabetically, so Dean isn’t even near his friends. The speech is long and dull, and Dean zones out for a while. He cheers enthusiastically for his teammates—the Lawrence Central Knight atop their caps holding a bat instead of his usual spear. He yells almost as loud as Gabe when Cas walks across the stage, blushing furiously from the attention.
When Dean’s name is finally called, he hears Sam’s voice above all the others and he finally spots his brother as he crosses the stage. Gabriel is cheering heartily for him while Sam dabs at his eyes, the big sap. Dean has to squash down his disappointment that he doesn’t see his Dad anywhere. His teammates high-five him as he walks back to his seat, and Cas catches his eye. He’s beaming up at Dean and clapping, and Dean can’t help it, he grins back.
After the ceremony, it’s a difficult task trying to locate his family in the crowd of people. He grabs hold of Cas’s wrist as they push through the mob of happy families. When they finally find them, Sam rushes Dean and grabs him in a rib-cracking hug. Dean hugs him back fiercely while Sam tells him how proud he is. He exchanges hugs with Gabriel and Cas’s parents, and he’s so caught up in the elation of it all that he almost misses the familiar, rumbling voice behind him.
“Congratulations, son,” John says as Dean turns around. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Dad...” The sight of him leaves Dean speechless, then he throws his arms around John’s neck. “You made it.”
“I wouldn’t miss this for anything in the world,” he says, patting Dean on the back. “I was a little late and had to stand in the back, but I saw you.”
“Dad, I...” Dean suddenly feels choked up, and tears sting behind his eyes and he hugs his father. Then Sam comes up to join them in a family-group-hug, and Dean is smooshed between them. Not that there’s any place he’d rather be.
After all the hugging and crying is done, they all head to Cas’s backyard for a cookout. It’s a pretty large group, their families as well as their teammates. Inias suggests that they change into their jerseys, which they all wear with their graduation caps when the families demand a team picture. Everyone is smiling and laughing, and Dean is happier than he’s been all week. John even slips Dean a beer, disguised in a plastic cup so Cas’s parents don’t find out.
By the end of the night, they’re all exhausted from the festivities. Everyone has left except for the Winchesters; Sam and John are inside having coffee with the adults, leaving Dean and Cas alone at the picnic table. It’s normal between them again, though Dean is pleasantly buzzed and Cas is a bit tipsy from the jello shots Gabriel snuck him. Dean is sitting backwards on the bench next to Cas, his elbows back on the table.
“What are you thinking about?” Cas says.
Dean smiles a little to himself, because Cas is the only person in the world that would get a truthful answer to that question. “You. How glad I am that you’re not pissed at me anymore.”
“Who says I’m not pissed at you?” he teases, a clever little smile on his face. Dean bumps him with his shoulder.
“Come on, man,” Dean pleads. “I’m trying here.”
“I know,” Cas sighs. “You were saying?”
“Are we having The Relationship Talk?” Dean says with a grimace. “Because I hate those.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
That’s when it hits Dean that Cas has never been in a relationship before. Every time Dean would tell Cas about a girl he was into, Cas never once joined in. Maybe this whole thing was a bigger deal for Cas than it was for Dean. Which is saying something, because Dean thought it was a pretty big deal.
“Wow,” Dean says. “I really am an idiot.”
Cas chuckles. “Yeah, but I like you anyway.”
“Why?” Dean spins around, straddling the bench to face Cas fully. “Why me? I always thought, all this time, that I needed you more than you ever needed me.”
“What are you talking about?”
Dean sighs but makes himself continue. “You’ve got everything. An awesome family, good grades, you got into a great school. You could go off anywhere in the world and be successful. You don’t need me.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” The look on Cas’s face books no argument, so Dean shuts up. “Dean, you were prom king. You have a ton of friends, everywhere you go people love you. By hanging out with me, you kind of justify my existence.”
“Come on, Cas, you have friends.”
“Mostly because of the baseball team, which you convinced me to join.” Cas sighs and shakes his head. “Without you, I’m just some nerd.”
“No, it’s true,” he insists. “But it’s okay. I don’t mind it. But don’t insult me by telling me I don’t need you, Dean.”
Dean just looks at him for a moment, struck by how honest and open Cas’s face is. Then he grabs Cas by the collar of his jersey and hauls him in for a kiss. Cas smiles against Dean’s mouth before kissing him back, sliding a hand into Dean’s hair. It’s better this time, not having planned it—sweet and tender and slow. Cas’s hand curls around the nape of Dean’s neck to hold him there, Dean still has one hand fisted in Cas’s jersey.
Then there’s a wolf-whistle and slow-clapping coming from behind them, and they pull away. Gabriel and Sam are in the doorway, laughing their asses off.
“Always knew you had it in you, Dean,” Gabriel croons.
Dean glares at them until they come over with offerings of cake. The cake once spelled out Congratulations Castiel, Dean, Michael, and Inias, decorated with flowers and graduation caps. Dean looks down at his to see half of Cas’s name spelled out in frosting. He hands it to his friend.
“Here, this one has your name on it.”
Cas smirks at him. “You just want my frosting flower, don’t you?”
Dean flashes him his most innocent grin, and Cas shakes his head and they trade pieces.
“Aw, you guys are cute,” Sam drawls.
Dean’s mouth is too full of cake to reply, who he just flips his brother the finger. Sam and Gabriel fall over themselves laughing, but Dean and Cas just ignore them and enjoy their cake. Dean swings his leg around to sit at the table properly, his thigh brushing up against Cas’s. It’s dark, but Dean is pretty sure he sees Cas blush.
Dean stays over at Cas’s that night. It’s not the first time—when they were young they had sleepovers all the time, watching movies or reading comic books and generally just having fun. This time it’s different. Before Dean crawls into Cas’s bed they set an alarm for an ungodly hour of the morning so Dean can sneak out and go sleep on the couch. None of their parents reacted badly to the sight of them smooching in the back yard, but Cas doesn’t want to push his luck.
They lie facing each other on Cas’s small bed, sharing the pillow. Dean’s thinking truly ridiculous things as he looks at Cas, like the two of them getting an apartment somewhere between both of their new schools. He’s thinking about coming home from baseball practice to find Cas studying on the couch, or making him dinner. He sighs and gives Cas a light, chaste kiss.
“You don’t have to call me your boyfriend if it makes you uncomfortable,” Cas murmurs, eyes sliding closed. Dean gives him a little nudge so he looks back up at him.
“It doesn’t bother me. Really.” When Cas shoots him an incredulous look, Dean continues. “I wanna show you off to the whole world, Cas. I want you to be my boyfriend.”
“In that case,” Cas starts, suddenly looking a little embarrassed, “I think we should maybe take it a little slower.”
Dean chuckles and pulls Cas closer. Cas settles his head against Dean’s chest and Dean’s fingers toy lightly with his curls. “That’s fine by me, Cas. We were both idiots for thinking that was going to work.”
“I’d rather just blame you,” Cas quips, but he snuggles up against Dean’s neck as he says it so Dean finds it rather easy to let it slide.
He curls his arm tighter around Cas’s shoulder, pressing his face against Cas’s hair. He still may not know what the hell he’s doing—he’s pretty sure Cas doesn’t either—but they’ve got plenty of time to figure it all out.
should I just get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
- "won't cross these streets until you hold my hand," SPN fic